Recovering from a miscarriage isn’t something you only deal with physically. In fact, for many who have experienced pregnancy loss, the emotional recovery process is even more challenging. Here are a few pieces of advice from women who have experienced miscarriage about how to best take care of your mental and emotional health. We hope that their advice helps you, too.
Give Yourself Permission to Grieve
No matter what anyone says, miscarriage is a real loss that can feel devastating—and even traumatic—for those who are going through it. Give yourself permission to grieve and honor your baby’s life, no matter how short it may have been. It’s also important to give yourself space to mourn the future you imagined for your little one and your family. Your feelings of loss are so valid, and grieving is an important part of the healing process.
Talk It Out
When you’re ready, connecting with other people who have been through a pregnancy loss can be incredibly cathartic. While going through miscarriage can feel lonely, you are not alone. Everything you are feeling, others have felt too. And anyone who has experienced similar heartache will understand exactly what you’re going through.
You might feel like a weight has been lifted after talking about your own experience, and may feel comforted to hear their story, too. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a friend or family member about your loss, or have feelings of depression or anxiety for more than two weeks, speaking with a therapist or mental health professional can be incredibly helpful as you work through your grief.
“Everything you are feeling others have felt too. You are not alone.”
Share with Your Partner
Even though you and your partner have both suffered a loss together, the reality is that you simply won’t have identical experiences. You each will have different emotions and different ways of coping with your miscarriage—and that’s ok. It’s important to take time to express your feelings—and have your partner do the same—so you are both on the same page about how you’re feeling, what you need, and how you can best support each other.
Let Go of Guilt
For some, miscarriage can cause intense feelings of guilt, or that the loss was a result of something that they did wrong. Please remember—there was likely nothing you could have done to prevent your loss, and nothing you did to cause it. Pregnancy loss is a cruel twist of fate, but not one that you likely had any control over. Thinking through the things you could have done differently isn’t worth your energy. Instead, spend time reminding yourself that you did a wonderful job being that little one’s mama, no matter how briefly.
Ease Back in When You’re Ready
After taking the time you need to rest your body, heart, and mind, take small steps to ease back into your life. Treat yourself to a pedicure or something that makes you feel relaxed and taken care of. Go on a walk or spend some time outside on a sunny day. Stream a comedy. Have a girl’s night. Surround yourself with positivity, and allow yourself to smile if a smile feels good. No matter what you choose to do, listen to your body and your heart—and give yourself permission to say no to anything that won’t serve you.
If you’re reading this and are one of the one in four women who have had a miscarriage, we’re so sorry for your loss. For support groups and to connect with others in the local community who have experienced pregnancy loss, visit Share of Lancaster.