Becoming a mom is almost impossible to put into words. There are certain things you know you’ll experience—less sleep, lots of newborn snuggles, discomfort as you recover from childbirth. But there will also be some things that will surprise you! We chatted with a few new moms, and uncovered eight things that surprised them in the first few months after baby’s arrival.
1. You’re Immediately Part of a New Tribe
The second you welcome your baby into the world, you instantly become part of a group of women who have been in your shoes before. And there’s truly nothing like the support of other moms! They’ve all been there, done that, and most want nothing more than to pass along their knowledge to new members of the “mom tribe.” Lean on them for support, ask them questions about what worked best for them, and know that you’re not alone in this new journey into motherhood. Joining a postpartum group is a great way to navigate and process the early adjustment to motherhood. And while you might hesitate to meet new people while you already have so much on your plate, it can be comforting and reassuring to connect with other mothers and recognize that you are not alone in your challenges and experiences as a new mom.
2. It Might Feel Hard to “Switch Off”
While being the one in charge of this beautiful, fragile little baby can feel exciting, it can make you feel a bit anxious, too. Some moms feel surprised at how unlike their “normal” self they feel for several weeks after bringing home their babies. Maybe it’s the protective mama bear coming out in new moms, but feelings of worry that you’re doing it right, and that your little one is safe and healthy, can make you feel on-edge.
This edgy feeling can be particularly frustrating when baby is sleeping. You might have heard the advice “sleep when baby sleeps,” but some new moms have trouble relaxing their bodies and minds, and constantly feel on-alert, even in the face of exhaustion. Some new parents even hear imaginary “phantom cries” when their baby is fast asleep. These anxious feelings typically pass after a few weeks, once you’re more comfortable in your new role.
If you continue to have feelings of anxiety, anger, sadness, guilt, lack of interest in the baby, hopelessness, extreme worries/fears, or the feeling of losing control for more than two weeks, it’s important to contact your provider. While many new mothers experience mood changes after giving birth, 15-20 percent experience more significant symptoms of postpartum depression or anxiety.
3. You May Not Want Visitors
Before baby, you may have pictured welcoming family and friends into your home to meet your new addition. In the weeks following baby’s arrival, it might surprise you that you don’t want anyone (other than maybe your or your partner’s parents) to visit. Remember, there will be time to introduce your baby to your friends and family in the coming weeks and months when the time is right for you.
Discuss your needs and expectations with your partner/support person prior to accepting offers for visitors. Ask your partner/support crew to be the gatekeeper and be the one to decline a visit or ask people to leave if you are ready for a visit to end. This is a way to share the mental and emotional load of early parenthood and save you the effort of delivering the news.
The early newborn days fill up quickly. Between learning your baby’s feeding cues, trying to get some rest, and simply recovering from birth, a house full of people to entertain might feel completely overwhelming. And that’s ok! Be upfront with anyone who asks to visit that you’re simply not quite ready for visitors yet, and that you’ll let them know when they can stop by. While you may feel worried about disappointing friends and family, healthy boundaries create the time and space for you to heal and bond with your newborn.
4. Breastfeeding Is Not Always Intuitive
While many new moms may start out planning to breastfeed, some are surprised to find out that it’s not always a walk in the park. Sure, some babies and their mamas might find their breastfeeding groove quickly, but for others it can take time, patience, and really test a new mom’s limits. Going into breastfeeding knowing that it simply might be harder than people make it out to be can take away the aspect of surprise and give you the mindset that learning a new skill takes time. For both you AND your baby.
5. You Might Experience Body Odor and Sweating
Your body may do some surprising things postpartum—including sweating more than usual, and producing body odor that you’ve never experience before. Just like when going through puberty, shifts in your hormones can make your body a bit out of whack. While hormone shifts can explain some of the body odor, another reason for these unusual smells actually correlate to breastfeeding. A newborn’s eyesight isn’t very good. Because of this, new mothers actually emit different pheromones that can help direct your newborn to the breast to nurse.
There’s a reasonable scientific explanation for excessive sweating, too. When you’re pregnant, your body’s blood volume increases an impressive amount to support your pregnancy and the placenta. In order to help your body’s blood volume return back to normal, it works to expel these extra fluids through sweat. Some moms notice sweat in particular at nighttime. It’s a good idea to get a waterproof mattress pad to ensure any sweating at night doesn’t ruin your mattress.
6. Falling in Love with Your Baby Can Take Time
Every woman who has ever given birth likely has a different experience when they see their baby for the first time. Some might feel wonder. Some might feel amazement. Some might feel head-over-heels in love the moment their baby is born, just like in the movies. But guess what? If you’re not one of the moms who experiences this heart-bursting love immediately, you’re not alone. The process of birthing a human, along with an immediate identity shift means that some moms need time to adjust, recover and to get to know their baby. Don’t underestimate the role of being kind and gentle with yourself. If possible, communicate with your partner, friends or family about how they can support and care for you as you go through the early days of motherhood.
If you don’t feel totally in-love with your little one right away, don’t worry mama. It will come. While the timing is different for every mom, know that it’s perfectly natural for these things to take time. Bond with your baby through skin to skin time, eye contact, and snuggles, and you’ll get there.
7. You May Miss Your Pre-Baby Life
If you’ve hoped and dreamed of becoming a mother, it might shock you to miss things about your “old life” once you’re a parent. And it’s important to know this doesn’t make you ungrateful. Becoming a mom means a huge shift in identity, habits, energy levels, and the freedom to do what you want, when you want. It’s ok to admit that life is different—and harder—than it used to be. Acknowledge the truths of how your life has changed, focus on the positives of this new version of yourself, and know you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way. And remember, the demands on your time and attention will shift and change as your baby grows. While you may not get back your pre-baby lifestyle, you will regain time and energy to resume some of the hobbies and activities you enjoy.
8. You and Your Partner Will Need to Find Your Footing
You and your partner will both have to adjust to your new roles as parents. And while it would be great if both partners could easily settle right into their new roles and responsibilities without missing a beat, this is often not the case. Becoming new parents can feel hectic and overwhelming. Pair that with lack of sleep, and even the most solid couples may experience more bickering and frustration than they anticipate.
Our best tip? Communicate as openly and clearly as possible with each other. Talk to each other about your needs, frustrations, and emotions rather than letting them build up. This helps ensure you’re on the same page, and supporting each other as much as possible, in the early days of parenting.
We know becoming a new mom can be a complete rollercoaster—but we hope that knowing what to expect in the first few months after your little one’s arrival helps you feel as prepared as possible to welcome your baby into the world.