Whether or not it’s your first time having a baby, unwanted—and sometimes scary—thoughts can enter your head in the days and weeks postpartum. We know intrusive thoughts can be frightening. We want you to know you’re not alone in experiencing them. Here’s what you should know about intrusive thoughts after having a baby, and what to do if this is happening to you.
What Are Intrusive Thoughts Postpartum?
Postpartum intrusive thoughts can manifest in a few different ways and leave you feeling stressed, ashamed, or frightened. Some thoughts might happen once and then never again, while others could happen repeatedly—and often without warning.
Intrusive thoughts often include something harming or happening to your baby—whether by accident or intentionally—such as your baby being dropped or falling, no longer breathing, or other scary things.
Other intrusive, frightening thoughts can include the woman and their role as a mother or partner. These thoughts might include things like:
- My family is better off without me.
- What if I can’t love this baby?
- I’m not trustworthy. I shouldn’t be the one to take care of this baby.
While some moms who experience intrusive thoughts can recognize them as passing and unlikely to actually occur. Others can become fearful and preoccupied by these disturbing thoughts or images. For instance, a mom worried about dropping her baby might hold her baby less, or find herself unable to sleep if envisioning their baby could stop breathing in the night.
Is it Normal to Have Intrusive Thoughts Postpartum?
It’s estimated that at least 70 percent of moms have unwanted, intrusive thoughts about something happening to their baby accidentally or intentionally. And while intrusive thoughts are common, that doesn’t make them any less scary or serious.
It’s believed that intrusive thoughts happen for a few different reasons:
- Instinct: Your body and mind are hyper-alert and “on the lookout” for possible threats to your baby in the immediate weeks postpartum
- Stress, trauma and/or anxiety: All can be triggers for intrusive thoughts, and many moms experience some or all of these as a result of pregnancy, childbirth, and the huge identify shift of becoming a mother.
- Big hormonal changes: In the weeks following childbirth, estrogen and progesterone levels drop quickly, which can contribute to feeling “off” and experiencing the baby blues.
- Postpartum depression or anxiety: For some moms, intrusive thoughts are linked to postpartum depression or anxiety. These conditions can affect around one in eight mothers after giving birth, and it’s incredibly important to seek help for managing them.
What Should I Do About My Intrusive Thoughts?
The first thing you should do—and perhaps the hardest—is to share how you’ve been feeling with a loved one. Whether it’s your partner, a friend, or a family member, telling someone you trust is the first step in seeking help and managing these scary thoughts.
After sharing your worries, it’s important to get in touch with your provider. If you don’t feel comfortable making the appointment, your loved one can certainly help you complete that step. Your provider can help you sort through your intrusive thoughts, and find treatment or connect you with a trained professional if needed.
When to Call 911
If you are having thoughts about hurting yourself or your baby and find yourself feeling relieved instead of scared or distressed, it’s important to call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department immediately. You may be experiencing postpartum psychosis, a more serious condition that requires immediate attention.
If your thoughts about hurting your baby cause you to feel upset, frightened, or on-edge, you should contact your provider for an appointment as soon as possible. The fact that you are feeling scared about these intrusive thoughts or images is a signal you’re unlikely to harm your baby, and are more worried about keeping them safe.
If you have concerns or are confused about your feelings and want to speak with someone immediately, there is help. The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline is available 24/7 for confidential pregnancy, postpartum, and post-loss support. Call or text 1-833-9-HELP4MOMS (1-833-943-5746) to speak with a counselor in English or Spanish. And remember, you are not alone. You are not to blame for your intrusive thoughts, and you’re a wonderful mother.